Rosie at 7 wks old!
Rosie was a sweet and happy little girl here at 7 weeks old. I wanted everyone to see her as she was when her Life first started in her Rose Garden. She still is sweet and a beautiful little girl. Now Rosie is 12 years old just in Feb 2010. She started limping last year in July after jumping out of the car. We thought she sprained her leg. Little did we know we were about to begin a long journey fighting “C” (cancer) a bad word around our house as I had breast cancer myself 5 years ago. She was there for me threw all the bad days of my treatments and she helped me get through it all. Now I need to be there for her. Rosie is named after my favorite flower the Rose! She is like a Rose in the Rose Garden, beautiful and delicate. That is her personality too. She is kind, loving, loyal and always there for me. She has qualities I wish some humans could have. I look at her and she makes me feel like smiling she has been like a best friend, always there for me to be with. I love her so much!
Rosie’s Rose Garden is struggling to stay in bloom since August of last year. We found out Rosie had this Osteosarcoma in her left front leg near the shoulder. When my vet called me on the phone to tell me she had “C” I could hardly believe the words, it was like 5 years ago all over again when I found out I had cancer on the phone. All the helpless feelings come back.
This is Rosie now 12 years latter. She still has that sweet face! We finally found our way to the University Of Florida Small Animal Clinic at the College in Gainesville, FL where they have the best Doctors and technology around here. Within 2 weeks of finding out what she had we were speaking to the surgeon/oncologist there. They were talking about amputation and I couldn’t even imagine taking her leg off. I couldn’t understand why they couldn’t fix her leg. We went to UF because we heard about a new procedure that was limb sparing called “Stereotactic Radiation Surgery” (SRS). We wanted to find out more about it and if Rosie qualified(it is not for the faint of wallet, by the way). Well long story short, after several xrays and tests, she did qualify. SRS is a one time dose of strong radiation that is done from all angles circumfrencing the tumor so the outside skin only gets hit one time but the tumor gets hit by the Radiation many times in the center of the target. It actually kills the tumor and the bone becomes dead in that one spot too. That’s the risk, the bone can become brittle there and fracture. There is a 70% chance of no problem and then she walks fine afterwards. They have had some good success with it. However it was an expensive gamble. I took the gamble and hoped for the best. Amputation is still the first choice of treatment by Doctors. But both treatments accomplish the same thing. The cancer is gone until one day it returns.
Rosie had other complications, when they did all the tests to qualify for SRS they found a massive liver tumor in her belly. It was also cancer but a different kind not related to her Oesteosarcoma. So they said it was contained and that they could take it out. So within 2 weeks she had 2 very complicated procedures. She got thru both of them and came home walking very well. For 2 weeks we watched her walk like herself. Then suddenly she started limping again! After xrays and to our dismay her leg had fractured! We had already started chemo. She was to have Carboplatin. So we all agreed to continue with the Chemo and continue to see if she was weight bearing, which she was. So now 5 chemo treatments latter which ended in Jan 5th, 2010 she is still limping, and worse than before.
She’s on so many pain killers it’s not funny. She has a hairline fracture that must be causing her enough pain that she lifts the paw up a lot of the time. She doesn’t use it to get up. She does use it to walk. But she treads lightly on it. She can actually run better than she walks as she thrusts herself forward, it’s more like a skip and a hop. I think her pain has become much worse and it’s so hard to watch her struggle with every step she takes. So our Rose Garden is not so rosy right now. But Rosie is so determined to be her sweet self. The Drs are recommending !! Amputation!! And we are finally trying to come to terms with this decision that we avoieded for so long.
After plenty of tears and research and wakeless nights like tonight, and talking to all of you nice folks on Tripawds, we found the courage to call and make the appointment to take her in Monday March 15th with possible surgery on the 16th. We have 2 days left. It took 2 weeks to get this appointment. All I can think about is what I will do when I have to leave her there. I don’t know how we will do it. With lot’s of prayer to give us strengthwe will do what’s best for Rosie. It makes sense to Amputate to relieve her of her pain, and get rid of all these pain pills wrecking what is left of her liver. But even thou it makes sense, my emotional side does not make sense of it. I don’t know how to reconcile the emotions with the sensibility side of this decision. It’s so hard after trying to save her leg for 6 months, to make a 180 degree turn and do the opposite. We go Monday. I’m dreading it. Here are some final pictures I just took of her now before we go. Rosie, we love you, and hope our story will inspire some other scared person like us who just wants to be happy and keep living in what we call our Rose Garden, LIFE! We’re not ready for it to end yet.
My last day at home before going to the Hospital tomorrow! It is such a nice day today. We sat in the yard I enjoyed being outside with my pawparents. I’m hopeful and confident that this leg has to go. The pain is so bad and I can’t stand it anymore. I hope we will be okay. We have to be positive. I have to go enjoy the rest of the day now and pack for my big trip tomorrow!! We’ll let you know what happens.
March 13, 2010 @ 10:20 pm
Rosie and Rosie’s Mom. You are both very brave and you are doing the right thing. My pawrents also spent time and money to save my leg, but like you, realized that the time comes when amputation is the right thing to do. My doctor told us the we are born with an extra leg, and I am happy to say I am doing fine. I just want to be a dog, and I am just as much a dog on three legs as I was on four. Rosie will be just fine, and Rosie’s Mom will need some time. I love my pawrents and they love me; nothing has changed. My very best to you both,
Doggie
March 14, 2010 @ 2:20 pm
Rosie is beautiful! What a sweet face indeed.
Welcome to the Tripawds community, and many thanks for upgrading Rosie’s new blog with a Supporter subscription!
Best wishes for a quick recovery. We look forward to following Rosie’s progress.
FYI: Jerry wrote about Stereotactic Radiosurgery in the post from our tour of CSU’s Animal Cancer care Center. You might be able to provide some input on this stereotactic radiosurgery forum topic too.
March 14, 2010 @ 4:33 pm
Rosiesmom,
I wanted to write you as I read your blog and wanted to share my story with you about my little golden retriever girl. My baby( my best friend) Bailey was 2 1/2 last August when she began limping as well. I thought she had pulled a muscle or something and of course took her to the vet to make sure she was ok. The vet kept saying everything was fine until 3 weeks later it was not getting better. He finally did xrays and decided it was cancer. I was heartbroken. I don’t think I heard a thing he said after the “C” word, its a bad word in my house too. She was so young and I felt like my whole world was crashing down. I remember I stayed up all night crying and holding her, of course she didnt know what I was going on about. Finally after finding this website and realizing it was cancer and I had to find a way to help my baby girl I tlaked to several people and decided on amputation. It was the hardest decison ever, would she forgive me, would she be able to walk, would she be happy? I can honestly say now 7 months today she had her surgery and she is just as happy and runs and plays like a puppy again. I know I did the right thing because for now, she is ok and I have to believe I helped her just like she always helped me. You are doing the right thing and although its hard and I know you are struggling with the decision, she will not be in pain and she will be able to walk again without limping and taking painful steps. Good luck tomororw, and please feel free to email me shafferman_a@yahoo.com.
Ashley and Bailey
March 14, 2010 @ 7:55 pm
Your Rosie is so beautiful! She reminds me so much of my Mackenzie. We’ve exchanged emails before and I’m so happy to see your blog :). You are not alone in your fears and worries about your Rosie and this amputation. As I’ve mentioned before, I too had the same fears and reluctantly made the decision to amputate and even 2nd guessed this decision once she had her surgery. Now, looking back, I should have done the amputation sooner (I too did the radiation.) Had I known what I know now, there would not be a doubt in my mind. But you have to go through this process yourself in order to come to terms with this very difficult decision like I did. I have no regrets whatsoever and actually didn’t come to that conclusion until 2 weeks after her surgery. There’s nothing more fulfilling than seeing your puppy hop to you and tell you she’s alive and pain free and doing just fine. But you have to do what you think is right and only you know that for sure. Best of luck with whatever decision you make. You are in our thoughts and prayers. Kami (Mackenzie’s Mom)
March 14, 2010 @ 10:07 pm
Rosie,
Sorry we meet under these circumstances, but after your amputation tomorrow you will begin a new road to recovery. The first two weeks are the hardest. Your pawrents will be worried, so you will have to keep an eye on them. Make sure they give you lots of treats and lovin’. We will be sending good thoughts and good luck your way tomorrow. I’ll keep my toes crossed. Opie
March 15, 2010 @ 4:44 pm
Kami: Thank you for your encouragement!!! I really needed that tonight. I’m here w/ my husband in a hotel near the Hospital. We saw the Surgeon today. The same Dr. who did all her previous surgeries. He’s very good. We had a lot of questions. But we had already kind of made the decision to do the amputation when we arrived. We just had to ask our questions to make sure. They did tests on her today, blood work, xrays etc… and they feel she can handle it. I was relatively calm and held it together until I had to confirm to the Dr. the go ahead okay lets do it then it became too real. And it hit me. Ever since I’ve been an emotional mess. I keep double guessing myself. I keep asking am I really doing the right thing. She walks on her leg, even thou it hurts. But the Dr. confirmed how much pain she must be in. So it seems logical to remove the pain. She is 71 pounds and 12 years old. I sure hope she will be able to walk again. I’m so worried about the anesthesia and her waking up because of her age and this is the 4th time in less than a yr that she is under anesthesia! I appreciated your telling me you were reluctant, I a very reluctant. One minute I’m okay with it , next minute I feel so bad for her cutting off her leg. I have to focus on the positive the pain relief she will eventually have.
I will get there with the no regret feeling. But right now I’m scared. And I don’t want to see the pain she will have the next 2 weeks or days. But we’ll do it. Somehow we get thru these difficult times. She is so happy and doesn’t even know what’s going to happen to her in less than 24 hours. Her surgery is tomorrow we have to have her there at 9:00 am and they do it at 2:00 pm.
Thas for your help it has helped so much!
Sandy & Rosie.
March 15, 2010 @ 5:11 pm
Sandy – I know what you’re going through – the night before and all the anticipation is absolutely the worst – so traumatizing and scary indeed. I was such an emotional wreck because I still didn’t know if it was the right decision and if it was going to really be ok (so many conflicting feelings that I had with this.) I just had to trust in the doctors that it would be ok. I had no other choice. I get very emotional even now thinking about how painful and difficult this decision was for me. But I also get very emotional when I think about the first time she saw me (hopped to me) after her surgery and it was the most wonderful feeling in the world. All those worries and fears that I had went right out the window. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers and wish you all the best that your Rosie does great tomorrow. Keep us posted – it’s a very traumatic thing that you’re going through and just know that you’re not alone. Kami and Mackenzie
March 16, 2010 @ 9:38 am
Sandy, Rosie and Tim……
I am thinking of you guys today. Prayers, Hugs and peace! Rosie is such a brave girl!
Henri sends kisses!
: )
Wendy
March 16, 2010 @ 8:37 pm
We just read your blog for the first time Rosie and you are probably a tripawd at this time. We have our paws crossed that everything went great. You need to reassure your Mom that she made the right decision. You will show her that you didn’t even need that bum leg. It is hard to see the recovery and get through the bad days, but it is well worth it! You are doing what is right for Rosie even though it is hard for you. Rosie will appreciate it!
Be strong for Rosie and don’t let her see your sadness! We goldens pick up on your emotions and feed off of them. If you are strong for Rosie she will not have to worry about you and can focus on the recovery!
You are in our thoughts and prayers! Please let us know how it went when you have the time!
XOXO
Dillon and Rhys
March 16, 2010 @ 8:49 pm
I also couldn’t bear the thought of my Ruthie losing her leg…she was so active and just a week shy of her 6th birthday! But she so miserable and in so much pain and I knew God was not going to take this decision away from me. I also felt as I did when I found out I had cancer and they asked if I wanted to wait on starting radiation because of the holidays (Thanksgiving, etc.) and I said emphatically NO because I was dying…so that’s how I looked at it with Ruthie, the leg had to go and ASAP. She recovered incredibly well and fast. I hope Rose does as well! Ruthie is still on chemo 6 months later but the pain in that leg is gone…I didn’t realize before how much it had been bothering her. I will pray for you and Rosie tomorrow and Ruthie will send big tongue licks and tail wags. It will be alright, you’ll see! Ruthie & Me (Pat)
March 17, 2010 @ 6:11 am
I just read your blog – and am sending lots of pawsitive thoughts your way, Rosie (and also to your pawrents)! We’ll keep fingers and paws crossed that all goes well with your recovery and that you’ll be amazing your pawrents in no time with all the things you can do, and with how happy you are to be free of the awful pain. We didn’t realize how much pain Holly was in until after her recovery when she started showing us some of the old energy that had been so zapped by dealing with pain. Best wishes, Rosie!
We’re sending hugs!
Holly and Holly’s mom
March 17, 2010 @ 6:30 am
Thank you everyone for your encouragement! Everyone has been so supportive!!!. I’m still learning how to use this website and forgive me if I didn’t type a personal response to everyone. I had time to write 1 response but I didn’t realize if it would be posted or not. So I hope this one gets posted to everyone.
Rosie did it. Her surgery was Tuesday, yesterday at 4:00 p.m. We reluctantly went thru it. I kept asking myself the whole day: Am I doing the right thing, is this going to okay, Is she going to be okay. I had to take an anxiety pill to calm down, I was so wanting to change my mind the whole day. She had tests on Monday, they said she qualified still for amputation, we spent the night in Gainesville, FL 2 hours from our home where the University of Florida Small Animal Hospital is in Gainesville, Florida. You know the GATORS! FOOTBALL! Go Gators! Anyway they are very good there. And we had to drop her off next day at 9:00 a.m. Surgery was to be at 2:00 P.M. I don’t know why they had to have her all day as she just sat back there. I could have been with her. But things ran behind on their schedule, and they did do the surgery late at 4:00 p.m. We waited all afternoon there to make sure she woke up which she did open her eyes about 6:00 pm We were really worried about her waking up. 3rd time she has had surgery and under anesthesia in less than 7 months.
Anyway they said her leg was really a mess. The muscle was pasty and atrophied. The Dr. said we made the right decision.
I just had a phone call now – They said she is up and okay. She’s having trouble getting up and posturing to go to pee. He just told me she probably won’t come home till Friday! Now I’m worried. She’s not just popping back up. I thought she would be able to get up easier as she had been using 3 legs a lot anyway. They said she will have to learn her new balance. WHat have I done to her? He said it is a trade off, the tech. Trading the pain for now this new balance problem, and that she was out of breath walking. So She’s older and has a more trouble. Okay she’s going to have trouble. I knew she would. I was just hoping she would be able to adjust easier. Maybe by tomorrow she will do better. I miss her so much! You know I asked them before surgery, she’s older, is she going to handle this? I was wondering yeah they’re all positive before the surgery, she’ll be okay, and now after they tell you she is going to have a harder time because of her age and breathing heavy?! And then you have to go home and deal with them.? I was afraid of this. They said her vitals were good. Maybe she just has to get thru this initial pain recovery, and pain meds in her system. Maybe she’ll be better latter.???? Now I’m really worried. Here it comes the 2 weeks of worrying day and night.
Thanks for listening. They just called and now I’m upset. And I can’t see her she’s 2 hours away. I’m dying to see her. She’s probably thinking we abandoned her in this place where she’s in pain and scared……
Rosies’ Mom